Previously, on...This.

Guess who's back, back again.

Yep. It's the dude with the face!


So you might be thinking:
"What the hell, you lazy douche-muffin? What's with the no-posty?"

...Okay so you're not, because that would mean you were an avid SMVHW reader, of which there are none. But there is a good reason why this blog has been flat-lining for a while.

You see, in the last blog post, I pretended to be an emo. I must have pretended too hard or something, because the emo-ness actually killed me. Unfortunately, the emo-related death counted as a suicide, so 4 months was added to my respawn timer. I'll try to avoid ever doing that again.

Or I'm just incredibly lazy and have better and more shiny things to look at and play with than this thing. Believe whatever you want.

Anyway, the reason I'm here again is because:

1. I've respawned
2. My friend Chris reminded me that I have a blog

His initial suggestion to write a new blog entry was met with my whining about me having blogger's block, so he then suggested I write something about "Whatever the shit you are doing at that place you go to that is much greater than ANU."


...Kay!

I thought about what exactly to write about for a few minutes, then decided it'd be much simpler to do a list of some of the deep philosophical things my classmates and I have said during our time at the AIE so far. It should help give a clearer idea of what I'm currently doing education-wise, what I hope to achieve, and my progress.

So, in no particular order, here's the quotes:


"Why does everything you model have a giant dong attached to it?"

"I'm gonna go get my meat on."

"♪Doo doo. Doo-be-doo, doo-be-doo-be doo doo.♪"

"Alright, log out of the games guys, time to do some work. Hey look! A pair of Korean chicks dancing around singing the DDR theme!"

"Is it because you smell?"
"It's because ya mum smells... like my dick."

"Ohhhh Squirrel... your chainsaw is so big!"

"It's Nigel the disco space magician, here to defeat the intergalactic KKK!"

"Mr Body Massage Machine Go!"

*buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...*
"Okay, you won."
*...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp*
"G.I. Jooooeee!"

"Take about five dozen eggs, start putting 'em in a bowl, mix the... FUCK out of 'em, and whaddaya get?"
"PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OH MY GOD. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BIRD SHIT ON THIS OVAL?!"

"I will destroy you."

"Shut up about batteries, you idiot."

"Back in a sec guys, just gonna go lock the door..."
...
"...So what did he want?"
"He wanted us to make a game where you're a religious leader and you have to beat up the Pope."

"I'll come play if you stop talking about playing and just play."

"We should link up those 360s and play Pong."

"We're all a bunch of parrots, aren't we?"
"Yeah, we are."
"Definitely parrots."
"Yep. All parrots."
"We certainly are parrots."
"Are we though?"
"Yeah, are we?"
"We are, aren't we?"
"Are we?"
"Do you reckon we're parrots?"

"Seeing as how we've got the nerf guns out now, do you wanna take the other class hostage?"
"Yeah ok."

"Aww nuu, I'm beached as!"
"I don't get why you all think it's so funny."
"Aww bruu, it's funny as!"

"I had to put a giant mobile phone suit on and stand around for a while."

"TRAAACTORRR!"

"WHERE'S MY WIIIIIIIIIFE?!"


Hopefully that list gave you a bit of an insight into the complex and rigorous training we are currently undergoing.

Now I'm off again, gonna go do something even less productive than this. Maybe I'll start updating more often. Maybe not.
Only time will tell.
And time is socially inept and hardly speaks at all, so you'll have to work hard to get an answer out of him.



-Squirrel245


"21! There is a taxi cab outside awaiting his fare. Slay him."

- The Monarch

Teh Emo Poast

No-one understands.

My life is an endless hell. I had another fight with my father today. We both wanted the last cheese and bacon roll. He started yelling at me... So I took out my earphones. We did rock paper scissors to see who would get the roll. Best of three. He won... No-one understands.

Getting out of bed these days is an intense emotional struggle. I just can't bring myself to face the world when my bed is this comfy. You know when you just wake up, and your bed is like a comfort-gasm? No you don't. You don't understand. No-one understands.

The kids at school make fun of me. Then I make fun of them. Then at lunch I go to the shops with those kids to get energy drinks and make fun of anything we come across that breaks the monotony of this bleak world. They don't understand.

I cut myself again today. Opening a letter I'd got in the mail. Enormous paper cut. My finger is now in constant pain, just like the pain my soul is in. That's right. The papercut is so deep it went through my skin, flesh, muscle, and bone, and sliced my soul. I don't understand.

I'm probably going to kill myself soon. Today I found out that my emo-fringe was really just a dead crow stuck to my head. No-one noticed. I hate them for not paying any attention to me.

Just leave me alone.Leave me with my pain.

None of you understand.

/wrist.

__________________________________________________

...Well that was surprisingly easy. Hell, it could probably be mistaken for a real emo post. Maybe THAT'S why blogs are part of the emo stereotype.

BRB, food.



- Squirrel245


"Goddamn I hate emo kids."

- Squirrel245

Lovely Spaaam, Wonderful Spaaaaaaaaam!

Like everyone with an email address (and probably everyone without one, too), my inbox is constantly assaulted by a never ending tide of spam emails that want to sell me a fake rolex, fly out to mexico to claim my lottery prize, or increase size of my love rod so that lady friend stop ridicule me about in bedroom.

Gmail automatically sends this crap to the "spam" email folder, which I will occasionally empty when the number of them reaches a few hundred. Today while in the process of doing just that, it occurred to me that these emails often read like they were written by a computer that didn't have a complete grasp of the English language. More of a grasp than a gangsta or a bogan maybe, but just not enough to be convincing.

It got me thinking; What would happen if I used Google Translator to try and make them sound slightly more...correct? However, the "correct" bit sounded boring. Instead I used the translator to see how ridiculous and stupid I could make them sound.

The M.O. for my little game went like this:


Here's what I did until I found something shiny to play with. I left the links out, as well as the subject, because I'm lazy. The originals are yellow and the new ones are green.



Guarantee that your couple's act won't end in 5 minutes in a shame

Make sure that your partner is not the end of five minutes

Be the mighty volcano, when it comes to night rendezvous
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This is not realistic to try to find the package, the need to combat the infection. Use of products in our online store


Product for making your nights super emotional and intense

Products that will make your evening super strong feelings, and

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Seek for progress in your banging skills? Find how
Looking at the progress in the qualification? Survey

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Today, the price of the rich:

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I am a girl from Russia and want to find friend in USA. If you are interested in our acquaintence, please, write me on my e-mail address
I will tell you more about me and my life. I think you won’t be dissapointed because I am very cheerful and try to enjoy the life. I also like to get new friends and share my thought and ideas with them. I have many friends here in Russia. But I don’t have any friend abroad yet. I think it is just the time to get new experience. I hope you won’t deny such a sweet lady to become her friend. Sweet and warm kiss from Russia. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Eva
I am a girl from Russia, and hope to find a friend in the United States. If you are interested in our knowledge, in my inbox e-mail
I will tell you more about themselves and their lives. Dissapointed, I think, not because I am very happy and try to enjoy life. I also let my friends and share their ideas and views. I have many friends in Russia. But I have no friends abroad. I think this is a matter of time, a new experience. I hope they do not deny this sweet lady to be his friend. The soft, warm embrace of Russia. I look forward to get to hear from you. Eva



...
Looking at some of those, I'm starting to think the heavy use of Unglish might be deliberate.

Coming up next, I make fun of emo kids with a fake emo blog post.



- Squirrel245


"You wanna know the truth? Fine... I hate that lady.
But it's not like regular hatred. It's so much more black.
If she were a street gang, I'd fucking go to war with her with bottles and chains!"

- Nathan Explosion

"Why no fall for my trick?"

Good aftermornevenight, class. I hope you got lots of sleep last night, because you won't get much tonight. I just leveled all of your houses so I can test my new environmentally friendly concept car. It runs on the feelings of loss you are now experiencing.

Anyway, todays subject for discussion (discussion in this case meaning "shut the fuck up and listen".) is internet ads.

The internet, for those of you who don't remember, is that thing you're using now. If you didn't skip that last sentence, please hurl yourself into a pit of horny walruses. And DON'T COME BACK.

Unless you're old and senile to the point that you're still praying your side will win the Second World War, you can probably agree that the internet is unbeatable when it comes to finding out what's going on, anywhere in the world. You don't even need someone to go and hide in every country and tap out some morse code every day. All you need is Google.

The internet is also a good source of entertainment. Video sharing sites, chat rooms, online games, websites dedicated solely to amassing the biggest collection of jokes they can... Hell, social networking can sometimes be fun too. Especially if you're a teenage girl. Don't try to contradict me, girls. You know it's true.

The point I'm feebly trying to make is that the internet is serious business. So serious in fact that anyone who's used it more than four times will be able to do it without blowing something up 99.9% of the time. They'll know their shit. They know how to internet.

With that in mind... or at least, on the screen... some internet ads confuse me. There's the standard ones that are clearly ads:


"Wintastic Car Insurance. Because you'll probably crash that thing."

"Looking for a job? Click here! We're like the jobs guide in your paper... but ELECTROMONICAL!"

"The new Nokia 6187382740947092834098013408. We just really like numbers."


These kind of ads are just an example of good marketing strategy. It's the internet for fuck's sake. That's like... 500 billion views of your ad per nanosecond. And that's at 3am.

The ads that confuse me are the ones that try to trick people into clicking them with false promises of money, a games console, or a night on a giant mattress with a battallion of sexy womens. When these kinds of ads first started showing up, I'll bet millions of people were duped. Then, after clicking, they realised "Oh. It's just a stupid ad.", and never fell for that particular ruse ever again. Maybe it took some people two or three times to realise this, but they got there in the end. And those who fell for it more than 5 times were simply turned into soilent green.

So why the hell are these kinds of ads still around? Are they hoping that some young and naive kid will click them on their first ever visit to the internet? Are they hoping some of the people in the "soilent green" category escaped their fate and are still browsing the internet?

I mean come on...

Do you really expect me to believe that I'm the 999,999th visitor to your website after seeing that ad fifteen times?

Who the hell out there would still think, even for a moment, that cutesurfergirl123 was an actual person? And even if she was, why the hell would she be talking to you in a chatbox that's appeared in the spot the "tickle the fat kid and win a crappy ringtone" game was a few minutes ago?

How many people do you seriously think there are who don't know that your "create your own avatar! pick eyes/clothes/hair/genital deformations" things are actually just one giant link?


You're on the internet. Which updates faster than time itself. You however, are living in e-historic times. Going against the flow. Holding back the progress of online mankind.

...

SERIOUSLY.

- Squirrel245


"Narwhals, narwhals,
swimming in the ocean,
causin' a commotion,
'cause they are so awesome."

- Narwhals!

The People Must Know

If anyone reading this ever has this error message appear on their computers, call tech support immediately. Then find the nearest bomb shelter and wait 12 years for the background radiation to die down to a safe level.

On a slightly less serious note, there are some things I wanted to say that are of little importance to anyone who isn't me. Which you aren't. As opposed to the usual mind vomit, I suppose this post could be classified as something my mind had recently eaten then regurgitated before it had even entered the stomach.

...I may have to draw a picture of that later... Something for you to look forward to when I'm not posting at 1:50am!

First off, for the few of you who will understand this, anyone subscribed to the Silly Mind Vomit Happy World feed might... not... be... anymore. Google appears to have eaten the website I originally used, and in the process, seemed to fuck up my feedage six ways from sunday.

TL;DR: If for some reason you actually clicked that link on the left and subscribed to this shit, you might have to do it again for it to keep working, I dunno. Not being on the receiving end I'm not sure.

Secondly, my school is better than yours. We watch movies every Friday, play Xbox 360, LAN stuff occasionally, and do battle with each other with Nerf Guns. Any actual work we do involves fucking with reality by means of 3D animation. Occasionally there is chocolate. In short:


Thirdly, Senator Censorship Conroy will be appearing on Q&A on Thursday at 9:30pm I think. For those of you who don't know:

• Senator Conroy is the one trying to put that stupid nation-wide internet filter in place, and, for lack of a better defense against the overwhelming amount of evidence that shows just how badly that would fuck things up, states that anyone opposed to the filter supports child pornography.
• Q&A is a show on the ABC where the general public can submit a list of questions directed at the guests which they will then answer then and there.

Let's see how long he can last before being crushed by an armour-plated tank of reason.


Fourthly, "Howl's Moving Castle" has got to be some of the trippiest shit I have ever seen. Google it if you don't really value your sanity and you have a large supply of WTFs on standby.

Fifthly, Finally, Conclusively, and Lazily...
G'night. Remind me to stop staying up this late... *dies*



- Squirrel245


"Snake... When I was a little girl -"

*punch* "Amazing. Let's go."

- Metal Gear Awesome 2

Silly Mind Vomit Happy Omniblog No. 1

Oh, hello there internet. It's been a while huh? Long time no see and all that.

...My god you've gotten fat since I last saw you ANYWAY, The reason I haven't bloggerised for a few weeks isn't purely because of laziness. No, part of the reason why is because I've thought of something to blog about, then realized I would have said everything I'd have wanted to say in about 3 sentences, which just doesn't justify a blog post around here.

You heard me. Even this pitiful excuse for a blog has standards. Be silent, infidel.

So then I was watching some old Ask a Ninja podcasts on my iPod, when I came across a podcast where the ninja answered a good 15 or so questions, instead of doing his usual "1 question per episode" thing. The answers he gave for them were much shorter and much less involved than the answers he normally gives for the questions he gets.

He called this particular episode "Ninja Omnibus".

"That gives me an idea!" I thought to myself. "I could do a blog post where -"

If by this point, you still can't see where I'm going with this, put a light bulb in your mouth, stick your head in a microwave, set the microwave to "noodles", videotape the results, and send the video to your parents with the words "I'M A BIG KID NOW" scribbled across it with a green crayon.

And so, it is with great pleasure and mild intoxication that I present the first of what will surely be a couple of omnibus-type blogs, each containing 3 or more miniblogs, which I shall call:

SILLY MIND VOMIT HAPPY WORLD
OMNIBLOG NO.1

Miniblog 1
Subject: Them's Fightin' Woids!


You know what I like? Creative threats.

It may just be because I'm a sick, twisted, and generally horrible person, but I truly think that the creation (or just improvisation) of unusual, snappy, painful sounding and mental-image-spawning threats is an art form. Or at the very least, an amusing skill to have.

There's the threats that are completely absurd and couldn't possibly be followed through without having magic powers, like "I'm going to sodomize you with the Eiffel tower! AND I HAVEN'T DECIDED WHICH END WILL BE INSERTED FIRST!".

Then there's the threats which are actually possible to carry out, but are delivered in such a way and with such detail that they're much... Zazzier, like "I'm going to pry apart your ribcage with a crowbar then stick a cherry bomb in the wound!"

But there are also the threats that try to sound creative, and end up failing spectacularly. Either they're dragged out so long that anyone listening gets bored and kills the person making the threat, or they're just way too simplistic and boring.... or both.

"I'm going to punch you in the face, and then I'm going to kick you in the legs!"

"I'm going to run you over with my car until you're dead, find a way to bring people back from the dead, bring you back from the dead, shoot you until you're almost dead, then cover you in acid til you die, bring you back from the dead again, stab you until you're almost out of blood, then..." etc.

I'd ask people to leave some of their favourite creative threats in the comments section, but the only person who reads this anymore is the same person who writes it. So I'll use Google to find some later when I feel like lolling at them.

____________________________

Miniblog 2 Subject: I am a Fucking Snitch


It's a known fact that the police sometimes decide to crack down on speeding when they've noticed that it's become a serious problem in a certain area. They send giant battalions of patrol cars, pursuit vehicles, tanks, gunships, and Vikings riding T-Rexes to this location and enforce the hell out of the speed limit until the people start to tremble in fear about going down a hill, because of the possibility that gravity may tip them over the limit for even a split second.

I thoroughly support these kind of anti-speeding blitzkrieg operations. They make the road safer, the lights on the cars look awesome (flashy light fun happy make!), and they actively fight the overwhelming stupidity of the human race. Unfortunately you don't really see many of these crack downs. Most people will tell you that they're reserving their man power and cars for murders, rapes, robberies, and reports of people watching Big Brother.

I think they're just not sure where to look for hotspots of driver-based idiocy. So today, a very rare thing will take place. I'm going to be a good little vegemite and tell on the bad people.

In fact, using highly sophisticated mapping technology (*COUGH*googlemaps*COUGH*) and hours of observing and plotting areas of concern, I am able to present the Australian Federal Police with a detailed map that displays each individual area I feel is worthy of their attention.

If you will kindly direct your eyes or scroll wheel downward...

____________________________

Miniblog 3 Subject: OH SHIT! FANGIRLS!


There's a long list of shows, bands, books, movies, characters, etc. that have developed armies of rabid fangirls who enthusiastically support anything and everything about them. If you're unsure about what I mean when I say "rabid fangirls", Frank West and his zombie friends volunteered to create a visual aid to make explaining it a lot easier.

The zombies represent rabid fangirls, and Frank West represents the object of the rabid fangirls' deification. The zombies really did their homework on rabid fangirls before they got together with Frank to create this shot:



For the most part, I've been Switzerland about rabid fangirls. My opinion has basically been "That's kinda pathetic, but whatever, there are more annoying groups of people on this planet."

So anyway, a movie based on a book came out recently, and there were rabid fangirls attached to both. Yeah, I heard that exasperated sigh from here, and I fucking agree.

I hadn't heard about the books until the ads for the movie started invading every single webpage I decided to visit. Now after finishing the quick wikipedia search I did out of confusion, I came to the conclusion that I personally hate Twilight for it's pussification of vampires, but decided to just ignore it and let it and its rabid fangirls pass into mercifully distant memory.

Then a couple of weeks later, I start seeing threads appear in some of the forums I visit entitled things like "Holy shit... twitard rage" or something similar. I thought they'd just be posts complaining about the unwavering support for the books that seemed to have swept the female teenage population of the western world.

But no. These threads were about rabid Twilight fangirls who had actually attacked someone because they said something like "I hate Twilight". Crazed teenage bitches who'd thrown bricks at people, or attempted to put their eyes out with a pencil for not liking Twilight. I've only heard of this kind of extremism coming from Twilight fangirls, but I'm sure as humanity gets stupider and more decadent, there will be many more incidents like this involving some new object of "worship".

I am only going to say this once, so if you're a rabid-fangirlism prone teenager then listen the fuck up. I may detest mankind as a whole and not give a rat's ass about strangers, but if I ever see one of you attacking someone because they don't idolize the same things you do, I will drag your ass to a dark, secluded place and, using you as the example, demonstrate just how much bodily harm someone can endure before they die.

You crazy bitches.

____________________________

Well that's it for this omniblog. It feels good to be able to get a bunch of stuff I wanted to say that was unworthy of a blog post off my e-chest. It's almost therapeutic really.

Now if you'll excuse me, a very old and very nostalgia-ridden game is sitting on my hard drive that yearns to be played. And even if you won't excuse me,
FUCK YOU IT'S DELUXE GALAGA TIME!



- Squirrel245



"...You want your Grey's Anatomy back Kenny?"

- Stan Marsh

I'm a Video Eddidur!

I went to ze South Park site a few minutes ago, and decided to finally see what the scene mixer was all about. Surprise surprise, IT MIXZ SCENES!

The selection of South Park clips you could add to your visual not-masterpiece was... limited, considering there's OVER FOUR THOUSAAAAAAND minutes of South Park footage... but, out of a slightly alcohlolic mixture of boredom and curiosity, I perservered and stapled some clips together to form a retarded mini-scene about Paris Hilton.

Should you wish to view my work of shit, go here and search for "Paris Hilton?" and click the one that's by Squirrel245. And no, that's not a typo, that's a fucking question mark.

In other news that no-one will care about, another round of flash based midget ninjotics is in the production queue, right after the stampeding wildebeest launcher. If you'd like to volunteer to lend your voice to a character in the aforementioned ninjotics, send me your larynx.

And now, my nightly coma awaits me. It's 2:15am, and it feels like someone's trying to jack my eyes off with a piece of sandpaper. Shortest blog post ever? Almost, methinks. Goodnight, intarwebs.



- Squirrel245



"Dean, what the hell are you doing in there, I need to take a shower!"

"I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!"

"...Nevermind, Dean."

- Dr. Venture and Dean Venture