Delusions of Eccentricity

Prologogogue

I recently read one of - no, don't panic just because I read something just - no, don't call the cops, my Satan Cannon is fully operational, and I'm not afraid to use it on them.

Anywho, I recently read one of the far superior blogs that are brought forth by my friend Chris. Click that link repeatedly, as the stuff he writes is a lot more intellimectually stumipulating than the purile shit you're reading now.

The post in question talked about how some people on the internet put up lists of who their friends are, and a series of descriptions that all seem to go along the lines of "I love this person to death. And if they were cool with it... afterwards too."

The point of it was (I think) that people should stop writing that kind of crap about their friends, because only the friends will think "aww... isn't that sickening.", and that everyone else who sees these lists just thinks "I don't know these people are... and I don't care either."

I nodded at my screen in agreement, then similar thoughts occured to me about how many people on the internet think that the stuff they post makes them unique somehow.

Before I start this rant, let me assure you, and your elbows, that I'm aware of the fact that this blog and everything on it isn't unique either.

Bitching about stuff has been around since forever, terrible attempts at drawing have been around since caveman times at least, and randomness has been around since some higher power decided to invent the horse. There's nothing here that hasn't been done a million times before, and done a lot better than this crap too.

Now that that's out of the way... Begin the ranting!


Pointless Heading

These sort of things are usually found on social networking sites, or anything else with a "profile" section on it somewhere. Anywhere that people have an opportunity to describe themselves really.

Back when I was roped into using that abominable pit of lies that is Bebo, I saw this kind of thing a lot. Here's some of the more common attempts at proving uniqueness that I noticed, which I will now pick to pieces.


"blah blah blah I'm crazy blah blah blah..."

Crazy huh?
So... you run around screaming occasionally?
Get completely shitfaced and sing at the top of your lungs til the contents of your stomach come flying out of your mouth like a mini tsunami?
Set things on fire?

Wow, you're right, you're a pretty crazy perso - NO. SHUT UP.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. YOU ARE HUMAN.

Let me tell you something.

Crazy is one of the poor words who are victims of overuse, often in inappropriate situations. It sits in a hospital ward somewhere crying to itself, and regularly attends a support group with Fuck, Hate, and Love. It gives its sympathies to Shit, LOL, Cunt, and Epic, who were recently admitted to the hospital under similar circumstances.

In the same way that Hate is now used to express mild dislike, Crazy is more often than not used to describe the actions of people who are merely hyper, instead of the actions of people under the impression that having sex with a coffee grinder is a sane thing to do.

Everyone gets hyper sometimes. This doesn't mean you're crazy.


"blah blah blah I don't care what anyone else thinks of me blah blah blah..."

Bullshit you don't.

What you're actually trying to convey is closer to "I don't care if you don't like me and launch a barrage of verbal abuse at me because of this", because I'm pretty sure you'll lap up any compliments like a dehydrated dog who's found a giant bowl of water.

So who else ignores insults and accepts compliments? Thats right, people with brains.
I think there's still a few thousand of them left on this planet - OHHHH wait... you were trying to be unique weren't you?

Sorry to burst your bubble.


"blah blah blah be yourself/being myself blah blah blah..."

This is usually found pinned to the bottom of a teenage girl's bebo/facebook/myspace profile in a weak attempt to show that the person is in fact an individual, instead of a clone. It tries to combat the overwhelmingly familiar contents of the rest of the profile page, which can be seen in an additional 12 or more different colour schemes if you check the "friends list".

It's like going to a bar, drinking til you can't see past your nose, then stubbornly claiming you're against the consumption of alcohol.

It's fun to laugh at these people.



Here's something for you to think about:

If the people I've mentioned above are what mainstream society is composed of, and "mainstream" basically means "the majority", what does that say about people in general?



- Squirrel245


"Lets go get some hookers and ICE C-C-CREAM!!!"

- Dr. Rockso the Rock 'n' Roll Clown

That's like, revolting.

Alright, I'm blogging from school, so I'm sure if this will work or not, but I had to blog before my disgust wore off.

At recess today, I went to Woolies to buy a drink. As I was heading for the checkouts I passed the section with the magazines in them. I picked up a Top Gear magazine, then my eyes drifted to the overly pink and gay looking magazine beside it: Girlfriend.

I'd like to share with you all some of the headings that were on the front cover. You have my word that they have not been changed at all. These are the headings exactly as I saw them:

"How to get the guy that will get you the grades"

"How to sound, like, smart"

"New flirting tips!"

"Miley: The $25 million girl"

For shame.

FOR. SHAME.

I can't remember any more of these gut-wrenching article names, and I'm honestly grateful for that. If it was possible to vomit out of your eyes, Woolies would have had one hell of a clean-up job to do.

- Squirrel245

"Sucky sucky, ten dorrah!"

- Cartman the Vietnamese Prostitute

Mewtilation

Just popping out of the Squirrel cave briefly to waste space on YouTube's servers.

Last night, at exactly... last night... pm... I finished a rough version of what will be the first scene in Pokémutilation. I figure posting it won't really spoil anything, and seeing as the total number of people who will see the finished product is probably a number that rhymes with "hero", I don't see the point of keeping anything secret.

So without much more ado, here's the first scene, with some words stuck on the end to make it into essentially another trailer.

SOME SHIT YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE WATCHING:

- The voices sound subdued because the voices in the actual scene are subdued
- Possibly homosexual British scientists are hard to voice act... but he dies, so no biggie.
- Turn your speakers up. This bitch is mostly quiet. The rest of it will be louder.

All voices by my mouth... and some audio editing software.






- Squirrel245


"Kids, I need to tell you something you might find shocking... I'm gay."

"...Again?"

- Ms. Garrison and Stan Marsh

Pokémutilation

I'm a fan of parodies.

One of the many breeds of parody that I've been lolling at for a while now is fan-dubbing, two examples of which are Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series, and Alternate Reality Dragonball Z. It was only a matter of time before I started thinking to myself:

"Me too."

BUT FIRST... a backstory.

When I was 15, one of my friends threw a 2 night party. It involved several TVs, limited floorspace, a table covered in computers, and various Xboxes doing the horizontal mosh-pit with one another.

On the first night, as our supplies of energy were depleting like the functionality of the kidneys of a 134 year old, we started to think "Movie, then bed."

"Which movie though?" we thought. Through some bizarre voting (which I suspect was rigged somehow), it was decided that the movie we'd pass out while pretending to watch would be Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back.

To this day I still don't understand why they wanted to watch that movie. Maybe it was for nostalgia, or the "act half your age" mentality that all of us had back then, but for whatever reason the movie was downloaded and began playing on the very small screen, much to my confusion.

Now being the uncaring asshole that I am, I gave a running commentary throughout the movie, changing it from a kid-friendly romp through Japanese mind control techniques to a profane, overtly sexual abomination that completely destroyed the overall effect of the film.

Billions years have passed, and I've decided to actually dub the fucking movie as opposed to simply ruin it for the people I'm sitting with. That way, people will be able to pick:

"Do we want the real movie or do we want... that version?"



And to prove that I'm not just doing my usual "You know what would be cool? If I did this." thing and abandoning it days later, I made a teaser trailer as it were.

It'll only make sense to fans of the Legend of Zelda series, or people who've played enough of Ocarina of Time. But for those of you who don't understand it... Go and play it.

NOW.

That game is a masterpiece of yes and win.







- Squirrel245



"That's my bread and butter you're fucking with."

- Charles Ofdensen

Thortgy

Maybe its the several packets of sherbert that now reside in my stomach talking, but I've found myself drawn to that old question that you humans have been trying to answer since... ever. The one that, if asked constantly, can reduce any teacher to tears or cause them to snap and start gouging out your eyes with a ruler:


So I'm going to list the 5 questions that I'm trying to find answers for the most. The ones just won't shut up, and keep grabbing my attention like a 6-breasted Keira Knightley would.


1. Why is the word "fuckin" becoming the new word for "umm"?

2. Why do some people put body kits on cars gradually? Don't they realize that by driving around their partially pimped-ride with only 1 side skirt, 2 modified rims, and sub woofers the size of a rhino's ass, they're grabbing people's attention in the "look at that douchebag" sense?

3. Why do so many people take pride in having 10,752,534,958 myspace/bebo/facebook friends? It doesn't make them look popular... it makes them look like... friend-whores or something O_O

4. Why doesn't anyone have death metal as the "hold" music for their company's phone services?

5. Why do people think going to a party with a bunch of people you don't know, getting completely shit-faced, then waking up to find yourself in jail (or fertilized), makes for an awesome night?



I'll work them out someday, I'm sure.

If you haven't already hit the "back" button in your internet-look-at-window, here's a change of topic for you.

Recently one of my friends has taken an interest in that newfangled "Vlogging" thing. If you can't work out what vlogging is:

Vlogging = Video Blogging
You = Idiot

The concept of it is something that's intrigued me for several minutes. Don't worry, you don't have to call the national guard, I'm not going to start doing it, and here's why:

• The webcam that's buried away in some part of my house is of dubious quality at best
• It would be a waste of my voice
• Looking at my face has a similar effect to that Medusa chick from that ancient Greek legend. Although instead of turning to stone, you'll just spill your guts all over your keyboard, which will in turn electrocute and kill you, start a housefire that quickly becomes uncontrollable, setting neighbouring buildings on fire, spreading and spreading until "Global Warming" becomes the understatement of the decade.

But I did start thinking... What OTHER kinds of _log are there?

Plogging didn't sound to great, and Clogging sounded like something that would involve a lot of very cheesy pizza and several mind-bogglingly painful trips to the toilet, so that was out too.

Then it hit me. Twice.

FLOGGING

No, that doesn't involve me going into the street and beating the living shite out of people with a stick (I do that anyway), but instead:

Flogging = Flash Blogging


Now there's no way in hell that I'd Flog constantly. But the occasional sample of my nonsensical bullshit wrapped in a slightly more high-tech flashy coating would be an interesting thing to try, I'm sure.

Should I try it occasionally?


TELL MEH YER THOUGHTS!!!
And MAKE ME BROWNIES!!!



- Squirrel245



"Just a fucking joke,
No, its kinda not,
There's a little truth in
Every single shot."

- "Hatredy" by Dethklok

"What, what, WHAAAAT?!"

So last night... or... very very early this morning if you want to be all technical about it... I was busy interneting ('cause that's what all the cool kids do) when I saw a flash ad. I've never seen it since, and I never want to see it again, but for those of you who don't have spy cameras embedded in my eyes I'll repeat what was on it.

It was something along the lines of:

"All of your favourite movie characters...

Are about to be DESTROYED!

DISASTER MOVIE: Defiling cinemas on some date that Squirrel245 can't remember"



Seconds after my eyes were scarred with this disturbing forecast of things to come, I imitated this:

Various thoughts and questions started running through my mind like a jet powered elephant in heat.

Why does this movie exist?

Where do those retards keep getting money to pump this kinda shit out into cinemas?

Why do they think anyone WATCHES "movie" movies after seeing the abominations that they released after Scary Movie 4?!


I thought I'd already LOST all of my faith in mankind. But nope, I was wrong. There was something still in there it seems.

But as soon as I saw that ad, that last morsel of faith jumped out of me and ran off into the distance shouting back "This is revolution!!!".

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stuff cherry bombs into watermelons then catapult them at stuff.

Because that's how I'm choosing to express my hatred for this movie.



- Squirrel245



"Daddy, everyone at school keeps teasing me about being born prematurely."

"You weren't born prematurely, son. You just survived the abortion."

- Cyanide and Happiness

...Really?

Earlier tonight I was in a rather nostalgic mood for some odd reason, and decided to see if I could YouTube some of the shit that I watched back in the good old days when I was 3 and half feet tall and about six times more intelligent.

So I started thinking (ouch) about what to watch. I watched a couple of videos of Stickin' Around, some old old OLD Simpsons, and watched Vegeta turn Super Saiyan once or twice. Then I moved onto movies, watching various Disney clips and such (including, out of curiosity, some very strange anti-nazi propaganda films that Disney made during World War II).

Then I remembered a strange film that I'd seen long ago:

"Hey... what was that movie where like, all those mice moved to America to get away from cats but there were cats in America anyway? Hmm... And what the fuck was so special about that movie anywa-"

I eventually figured out the movie I was thinking of was An American Tale, and the reason why it had been stuck in the back of my mind in a box labelled "old shit worth keeping". It was because of a climactic scene involving what was essentially a mouse-made battle tank that resembled a rat which had grown up in the part of the sewer directly under the house of Satan.

For the 99.9999999999999% of you who have no idea what I'm rambling about, I'm referring to the Giant Mouse of Minsk. I remember (incredibly vaguely), the first time I watched that scene I thought something along the lines of:

"HOLY JESUS-GODDING FUCK BALLS YES!!!! BRING FORTH THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS YOUR DEATH!!!"

So I watched the pitiful snippet of that scene that YouTube had to offer, then read the comments section to see if anyone else remembered having a similar reaction. I was surprised to see that they basically said things along the lines of:

"That thing scared me shitless when I was a kid =("

After a brief search of the internet for a better clip of what I thought was an awesome scene, I found lots of comments made by people who also said that the Mouse of Minsk gave them nightmares when they were kidlets. It was then I started to think the question I'm about to put forth to anybody who reads this and can remember watching An American Tale as a kid:

Am I the only one who found the Mouse of Minsk purely awesome and not in the least bit scary when they saw this movie?



- Squirrel245



"What HAPPENED to you guys? Have you all forgotten how to play?"

"Hey man, we're rockin' harder than EVER!"

"Dude... You're sitting on the OUTSIDE of the drum kit."

"Oh!.. yeah, yep. Sorry. That's why it felt weird."

- Pickles the Drummer and the Snakes N Barrels Drummer