Failure close to home

Hey everyone, Fredge here.

Just posting an emergency seal of Afail after hearing about something that Squirrel245 has brought to my attention...



For having what may be the world's most buggy, uncooperative, and misleading text formatting tools in the history of blogging...

ATTENTION BLOGGER'S "CREATE" AND "EDIT POSTS" PAGES!

I'm off for now. I'll come back when I have some more fail to report on.



- Fredge

A friendly and supportive online community... *snicker*

Billions of years ago, in the year 2004, I was an idiotic and naive 14 year old who decided to subscribe to Xbox Live.

4 years later, and I'm an idiotic 18 year old who can safely say he's seen the best and the worst of what the screaming, beer fueled online community of Xbox Live has to offer.


AND SO...


For your reading "pleasure", I present a selection of some of the more interesting things that have been screamed into a microphone. All of these were heard during games I've been placed into like an enraged baboon who's been put into an arena with several other similarly pissed off animals.

Most of them were directed at other randoms who had been put into the game like I had. For the few that were directed at yours truly, I've provided my retaliatory shouting in red. I felt obliged to reply... I mean, it's an Xbox Live custom, and as the old saying goes:

"When in Rome, shout at any Romans who shout at you"




Heard randomly (I don't know who these were aimed at or why)


"AAAARRRRRRGGHHHH!!!! YOU FUCKING... MOTHER F- I'LL FUCK YOU WITH MY ASS!"

"Oh my god you're a GIRL? Wow, cool! You want me to help you unlock some achievements, baby?"

"I'm going to banish you to Hyper Twat!" (?)

(shrill voiced 12 year old by the sound of it)
"STOP USING THE FUCKING SNIPER RIFLE!!! ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR! FUCKING... FUCK YOU!!!" (at this point he actually started sobbing into his microphone)

"GET OUT OF MY CHURCH!"

"You don't exist because I don't believe in you." (this person was shot seconds later by the person he claimed didn't exist)

"I got it all over my cat. My mum was mad as hell when she found out." (I muted this person after hearing that)

"Yeah well your mum had gay sex with your dad!"



Conversations (by which I mean I heard the reply or I replied to them myself)


"I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BURN DOWN YOUR MUM!"
"Okay."

(after a particularly violent kill)
"OH YEAH! That's right! I just WHIPPED your ass! You like getting your ass whipped?"
"...Yeah..."
"...Let's go to private chat."

(some 12 year old kid after taking me by surprise, killing me, and proceeding to crouch repeatedly on my corpse's face)
"Ohhhhhh yeah! That's right! You like my nuts in your face, huh?"
"At least my nuts have dropped, bitch."
(some random)
"Wow. You just got SHUT DOWN, kid"

"Can I your penis?"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"What did you say?"
"I say can I your penis?"
"...what?"
etc.

"I love this car. Its so much better than everyone else's."
"I'll park that car up your ass if you don't shut up about it."

"Come here and suck my knees."
(runs over to me) "Did he just say "suck my knees"?"
"Pretty sure he did."
(running away) "...Yes please."

"You're such a little pussy... I'm gonna find you and fuck your wife."
"...SIMON?!"
"...DAD?!"

"I bet you masturbate while looking at naked chicks... Don't deny it you sick fuck... I know your secret now."
"Umm... yeah?"
"HAHAHAHA HE ADMITS IT! Awww dude that's fucked up! Who the fuck does that?"




So you see, over the past 4 years I've got a lot more entertainment than I thought I was paying for when I first signed up. I'm sure this unintentional entertainment will continue, possibly resulting in me dying from blood loss once I pull my own lungs out following a mental breakdown brought on by listening to this kind of banter.

Well, that's all for now. Maybe I'll come back and write something half-decent once I've sobered up.



-Squirrel245



"Between the veltet lies, there's a truth that's hard as steel."

- "Holy Diver" by Ronnie James Dio

Further destruction of your collective childhoods.

Once again, I'm sorry, but I had to do it :P




- Squirrel245



"We could kill Butters, and FLOAT the calves on a river of blood!"

- Eric Cartman

Pfft. So immature.

Say that all you want. But there comes a time in every boy's life, as he's growing up, where he starts to look at things in a dirty context for his own amusement.

For me that time was like... 7 years old. But I haven't stopped doing it yet.

ENNIEWAYZ

Today while serving some real life custombies (sigh), a song was played over the in-store radio that I hadn't heard for quite a while. It was "A Whole New World", that song from Aladdin.

Dirty Context for Amusement + Aladdin = MIND DEATH.

And so, for a lack of any more mental garbage to fire at you with my idiocy-catapult, I present to you one of the things I came up with.

Don't sue me, Disney, I don't claim to own Aladdin in any way shape, or form (I don't even own the DVD).







-Squirrel245



"Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?"

- Some General on South Park

"10 Things That Fail About You"

Hello there, bored and/or lost blog reader!

Its me, Fredge. I'm here to give the first report on 10 things that fail, and to pass on a message from Squirrel245:

"I hope no-one died from boredom after reading about supermarkets for a whole week"

Anyway, 10 things I've noticed that fail (well... fail and stand out) in no particular order:


1. Based on several real life encounters

Elderly driver: "Uhh... okay... I'm driving an automo...car... ehhh.... I'll follow that white line... Oh look, the light has turned red, isn't that pretty... what's this "gear stick" do? How fast am I going... GOOD GRACIOUS ME! 40kph?! Better slow down..."

ATTENTION ELDERLY DRIVER!

2. For lazily classifying every album in the store that has a distorted guitar in it as "Hard Rock"...

ATTENTION SANITY MUSIC STORE!

3. Note: As of the time of this post, I haven't actually watched the show. But a crappy looking spin off of a genuinely crappy show...

ATTENTION 'MARK LOVES SHARON'!

4. For having that FUCKING ANNOYING AD in MSN windows that involve a maze which is programmed to be impossible...

ATTENTION SEEK.COM!

5. For being an appalling addition to the Super Smash Bros series... Stupid little astronaut shit head thing and your army of...

...

Plants...

ATTENTION OLIMAR!

6. I just hate them. They all look the same to me.

ATTENTION CHICK FLICKS!

7. For somehow thinking that calling a movie "The Happening" was a good idea,

ATTENTION M. KNIGHT SHYAMALAN!

8. For thinking that adding a track of someone rapping over the top of an otherwise decent piece of music makes it 10 times more awesome...

ATTENTION MAINSTREAM SOCIETY!

9. For everything she ever did and ever will do, ever...

ATTENTION PARIS HILTON!

10. And finally, for walking around everywhere with your phones spouting shitty excuses for music, for thinking "cunt" is a colloquialism for "dude", "mate", or "friend", and for all having the same stupid rats tail... hair-gel explosion... dyed... thing... hairstyle,

ATTENTION FRESHIES!

Thats all for now. I'll report back when I've decided on more things that fail hard enough to get my stamp of afail.



- Fredge

28 Items Later - Day 7