Teh Emo Poast

No-one understands.

My life is an endless hell. I had another fight with my father today. We both wanted the last cheese and bacon roll. He started yelling at me... So I took out my earphones. We did rock paper scissors to see who would get the roll. Best of three. He won... No-one understands.

Getting out of bed these days is an intense emotional struggle. I just can't bring myself to face the world when my bed is this comfy. You know when you just wake up, and your bed is like a comfort-gasm? No you don't. You don't understand. No-one understands.

The kids at school make fun of me. Then I make fun of them. Then at lunch I go to the shops with those kids to get energy drinks and make fun of anything we come across that breaks the monotony of this bleak world. They don't understand.

I cut myself again today. Opening a letter I'd got in the mail. Enormous paper cut. My finger is now in constant pain, just like the pain my soul is in. That's right. The papercut is so deep it went through my skin, flesh, muscle, and bone, and sliced my soul. I don't understand.

I'm probably going to kill myself soon. Today I found out that my emo-fringe was really just a dead crow stuck to my head. No-one noticed. I hate them for not paying any attention to me.

Just leave me alone.Leave me with my pain.

None of you understand.

/wrist.

__________________________________________________

...Well that was surprisingly easy. Hell, it could probably be mistaken for a real emo post. Maybe THAT'S why blogs are part of the emo stereotype.

BRB, food.



- Squirrel245


"Goddamn I hate emo kids."

- Squirrel245

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Like everyone with an email address (and probably everyone without one, too), my inbox is constantly assaulted by a never ending tide of spam emails that want to sell me a fake rolex, fly out to mexico to claim my lottery prize, or increase size of my love rod so that lady friend stop ridicule me about in bedroom.

Gmail automatically sends this crap to the "spam" email folder, which I will occasionally empty when the number of them reaches a few hundred. Today while in the process of doing just that, it occurred to me that these emails often read like they were written by a computer that didn't have a complete grasp of the English language. More of a grasp than a gangsta or a bogan maybe, but just not enough to be convincing.

It got me thinking; What would happen if I used Google Translator to try and make them sound slightly more...correct? However, the "correct" bit sounded boring. Instead I used the translator to see how ridiculous and stupid I could make them sound.

The M.O. for my little game went like this:


Here's what I did until I found something shiny to play with. I left the links out, as well as the subject, because I'm lazy. The originals are yellow and the new ones are green.



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I am a girl from Russia and want to find friend in USA. If you are interested in our acquaintence, please, write me on my e-mail address
I will tell you more about me and my life. I think you won’t be dissapointed because I am very cheerful and try to enjoy the life. I also like to get new friends and share my thought and ideas with them. I have many friends here in Russia. But I don’t have any friend abroad yet. I think it is just the time to get new experience. I hope you won’t deny such a sweet lady to become her friend. Sweet and warm kiss from Russia. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Eva
I am a girl from Russia, and hope to find a friend in the United States. If you are interested in our knowledge, in my inbox e-mail
I will tell you more about themselves and their lives. Dissapointed, I think, not because I am very happy and try to enjoy life. I also let my friends and share their ideas and views. I have many friends in Russia. But I have no friends abroad. I think this is a matter of time, a new experience. I hope they do not deny this sweet lady to be his friend. The soft, warm embrace of Russia. I look forward to get to hear from you. Eva



...
Looking at some of those, I'm starting to think the heavy use of Unglish might be deliberate.

Coming up next, I make fun of emo kids with a fake emo blog post.



- Squirrel245


"You wanna know the truth? Fine... I hate that lady.
But it's not like regular hatred. It's so much more black.
If she were a street gang, I'd fucking go to war with her with bottles and chains!"

- Nathan Explosion