You will be food, nothing more.

As I waddle, walk, run, jump, swim, drive, shoot, and bludgeon my way through life, I come to notice things about how society functions.

After enduring half a semester of year 12, I can predict the futures of many of the other sperm-and-ovum sandwiches in the school with something like nine-hundred-thousand-billion percent accuracy. Many of them will go on to get some kind of interesting job, like being a lawyer, fighter pilot, chef, or barstool.

But then there's the rest of the class. The ones who seem to have forgotten that college isn't actually mandatory in this part of Australia-town and determinedly rebel at every opportunity. The ones who had their parents pay to put them through brainwashing camp because "I want to make something of myself!", only to decide that "No! This isn't fair! Working is for people who think gutters aren't nice places to sleep!"

Which is essentially like buying a bus concession card a few days ahead of your planned bus ride, and when the bus pulls up, you pull down your pants, shit in your hand and throw it at the driver yelling "FUCK YOU MAN! I'M NOT CONFORMING TO YOUR RULES!"

At first I thought these people were in the class merely to show us what we could become if we fucked around in class (and to occasionally yell stuff like "SHADDAP SEH!!! FACK YEW SEH!!!"), but after a rigorous session of thinking I realised they had a much more long-term purpose.

You see, my eyeball-having organism, these people are going to become the first run of soilent green.

It makes quite a bit of sense-pie really: They don't have the mental capacity to use the big-boy toilets, so why use them for anything else besides food?

By this illogic, I can safely say that the next generation of meat-sacks with any hope of a future will be very well fed.

Now who the hell are you, give me all your money, and get out of my house.


Squirrel245


"It's your one-way ticket to midnight,
Call it Heavy Metal!"

- "Heavy Metal" by Sammy Hagar

(Creative Blog Title)

So it appears that the blog monkey does what it's told...

Good thing, too. I was fully ready to spam him with so many scheduled-blog-induced cattle prod jolts that the RSPCA would have sent a group of rabid animals after me for my crimes against the animal world.


Squirrel245


"Job has all of his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies... there isn't a God."

- Kyle Broflovski

"Post Slave", you say...

Dear diarrhea,

In the very early hours of the morning, a time at which sane, employed people should be passed out on a bed or couch somewhere, I checked my blog and it said there was a thing that let me schedule blogs to be posted in the future!

So like, you tell it to post at saaaaay 3:00am, the request is sent across a series of tubes, and charges up a cattle prod. At 3:00am, if all goes well, the cattle prod will zap a monkey who is sitting in front of a large button that says "post", and hopefully the monkey will hit the button!

So I'm going to test it. The current time is 2:07am, and I'm going to schedule it to shock the monkey at 2:30am. I SHALL CHECK ZE RESULTS VEN I REMEMBER ZIS VEBSITE EXISTS.

And if it turns out the monkey just got pissed off and started trying to eat people instead of posting when it should... Then I'm gonna send a thunderstorm's worth of electrified scheduled blogs straight to him.

So...


Squirrel245


"If you don't live for something, you die for nothing."

- "Live for This" by Hatebreed

This website stole my blogging virginity!

So...

We meet again, internet. It's time for round 8.


NOW THEN.

If you're reading this, you're probably wondering, "Why am I reading this?"
The answer is:
You shouldn't be. This is the first in a series of nonsensical blocks of text disguised as blogs.
If you continue to read this blog, you will eventually begin smoking your own feet and trying to initiate phone sex with whoever's working the the drive through at McDonalds.

For those of you who do decide to absorb the bloggy juices with your eyes, welcome to the gorilla sanctuary!

Now apparently these things have a "leave comment" option, which will allow you to fire a barrage of textual rage at the blog that STOLE YOUR LIFE, so feel free to start signing the petitions to get me evicted from the internet.

Asta Pronto!


Squirrel245

"This is an example of a quote. In future blogs, this part of the post will have been invaded by a quote I find awesome and/or hilarious."

- Squirrel245