The People Must Know

If anyone reading this ever has this error message appear on their computers, call tech support immediately. Then find the nearest bomb shelter and wait 12 years for the background radiation to die down to a safe level.

On a slightly less serious note, there are some things I wanted to say that are of little importance to anyone who isn't me. Which you aren't. As opposed to the usual mind vomit, I suppose this post could be classified as something my mind had recently eaten then regurgitated before it had even entered the stomach.

...I may have to draw a picture of that later... Something for you to look forward to when I'm not posting at 1:50am!

First off, for the few of you who will understand this, anyone subscribed to the Silly Mind Vomit Happy World feed might... not... be... anymore. Google appears to have eaten the website I originally used, and in the process, seemed to fuck up my feedage six ways from sunday.

TL;DR: If for some reason you actually clicked that link on the left and subscribed to this shit, you might have to do it again for it to keep working, I dunno. Not being on the receiving end I'm not sure.

Secondly, my school is better than yours. We watch movies every Friday, play Xbox 360, LAN stuff occasionally, and do battle with each other with Nerf Guns. Any actual work we do involves fucking with reality by means of 3D animation. Occasionally there is chocolate. In short:


Thirdly, Senator Censorship Conroy will be appearing on Q&A on Thursday at 9:30pm I think. For those of you who don't know:

• Senator Conroy is the one trying to put that stupid nation-wide internet filter in place, and, for lack of a better defense against the overwhelming amount of evidence that shows just how badly that would fuck things up, states that anyone opposed to the filter supports child pornography.
• Q&A is a show on the ABC where the general public can submit a list of questions directed at the guests which they will then answer then and there.

Let's see how long he can last before being crushed by an armour-plated tank of reason.


Fourthly, "Howl's Moving Castle" has got to be some of the trippiest shit I have ever seen. Google it if you don't really value your sanity and you have a large supply of WTFs on standby.

Fifthly, Finally, Conclusively, and Lazily...
G'night. Remind me to stop staying up this late... *dies*



- Squirrel245


"Snake... When I was a little girl -"

*punch* "Amazing. Let's go."

- Metal Gear Awesome 2

I'm a Video Eddidur!

I went to ze South Park site a few minutes ago, and decided to finally see what the scene mixer was all about. Surprise surprise, IT MIXZ SCENES!

The selection of South Park clips you could add to your visual not-masterpiece was... limited, considering there's OVER FOUR THOUSAAAAAAND minutes of South Park footage... but, out of a slightly alcohlolic mixture of boredom and curiosity, I perservered and stapled some clips together to form a retarded mini-scene about Paris Hilton.

Should you wish to view my work of shit, go here and search for "Paris Hilton?" and click the one that's by Squirrel245. And no, that's not a typo, that's a fucking question mark.

In other news that no-one will care about, another round of flash based midget ninjotics is in the production queue, right after the stampeding wildebeest launcher. If you'd like to volunteer to lend your voice to a character in the aforementioned ninjotics, send me your larynx.

And now, my nightly coma awaits me. It's 2:15am, and it feels like someone's trying to jack my eyes off with a piece of sandpaper. Shortest blog post ever? Almost, methinks. Goodnight, intarwebs.



- Squirrel245



"Dean, what the hell are you doing in there, I need to take a shower!"

"I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!"

"...Nevermind, Dean."

- Dr. Venture and Dean Venture

Winners don't use drugs. They just break the legs of every other competitor.

Choose-day, Novembah Eighteenth, Two Thowsand and Eight.

At shix-thirty pm, at "The Kussy's" film feshtival, an animation ish due to be shown to the mashes.

That animation was finished at two-forty five pm that shame afternoon.

The creator shays that in the lasht few daysh of thish procesh, he was really getting an idea of what it musht be like working on a Shouth Park epishode.

When ashked what he wash going to do neksht, he held up a cashe of beer and shaid he was going to shpend shome time with shomeone who he couldn't pay much attention to during the animation procesh: his Xbox Three Shixty.

The animation can now be sheen on YouTube, for anyone who is curioush about what the audiensh was shubjected to.

We'll have no more on thish story, even after shobriety kicks in, we've been told.

- Cecil the Sean Connery Tree

Signs of Life

Check it.

I have actual proof that I'm not just sitting around eating fast food all day.

...Huh. It seems you've alarmed him.

Before I return to making him move and kill stuff, there's some things I'd like to say about the people who only just have enough brain power to walk around a shopping centre:

1. To what seems like 90% of teenage girls:

Here's how walking near you works. You generally have a quick pace, and never yield to anybody, so I and the other fast-walking people see you as a sort of "path finder" when we're heading the same way as you, and get into your "slipstream" as it were.

So when you see a group of friends up ahead of you, try something called deceleration. DON'T KEEP ON AT THE SAME PACE THEN STOP DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS AND LATCH ONTO ONE OF THEM.

2. To what seems like 90% of teenage guys (so don't bitch to me about gender-based discrimination, ladies.):

I'm not sure if you're all just very confused about who's leading the group, and are all trying to hang back to see who's in the lead, or if you feel more secure when you look to your side and see several other people going along with you. I honestly don't care what it is.

STOP CREATING HUMAN WALLS YOU TOOLS. I'm tempted to drive a car into these lines of idiocy whenever I come across them.

3. To people who have mobile phones out while walking:

If you're the kind of person who talks on the phone while walking, and doesn't stumble around in a circle, eyes to the floor, feigning obliviousness, you don't annoy me. If you are someone who does the stumble around thing, grow a brain.

If you're the kind of person who text messages people while walking, or just pretends to for an excuse to walk blindly in a straight line and hope people realize "Oh, they're using their phone. They have to concentrate I guess.", GO AND GET ANALLY DESTROYED BY A HERD OF RABID ANTELOPES.

THAT ARE ON FIRE.

One of these days, I'm going to grab one of these obnoxious failures of humanity and put them in the fetal position. Only it will be backwards. Yep. Knees up, elbows bent, curled up into a ball-ish shape, BEHIND YOUR BACK.

4. To the lady who today asked me if I'd like to get my baby's photo taken:

There are so many things wrong with that offer I don't even know where to start.

5. To people who walk determinedly in one direction then, without warning (or even stopping), do a full 180 spin and keep right on walking:

I now wear a vest that fire a series of small metal spikes outward if I'm hit in the chest with enough force. You have been warned.

And now it's 12:40am. I have school in 8 hours...

Screw you guys, I'ma going t'sleep.

- Squirrel245

"You're gonna just let that guy beat up on your woman? Doesn't that like... go against your jockey man-code or something?"

- Hair Flicking Goth Kid

That's like, revolting.

Alright, I'm blogging from school, so I'm sure if this will work or not, but I had to blog before my disgust wore off.

At recess today, I went to Woolies to buy a drink. As I was heading for the checkouts I passed the section with the magazines in them. I picked up a Top Gear magazine, then my eyes drifted to the overly pink and gay looking magazine beside it: Girlfriend.

I'd like to share with you all some of the headings that were on the front cover. You have my word that they have not been changed at all. These are the headings exactly as I saw them:

"How to get the guy that will get you the grades"

"How to sound, like, smart"

"New flirting tips!"

"Miley: The $25 million girl"

For shame.

FOR. SHAME.

I can't remember any more of these gut-wrenching article names, and I'm honestly grateful for that. If it was possible to vomit out of your eyes, Woolies would have had one hell of a clean-up job to do.

- Squirrel245

"Sucky sucky, ten dorrah!"

- Cartman the Vietnamese Prostitute

"What, what, WHAAAAT?!"

So last night... or... very very early this morning if you want to be all technical about it... I was busy interneting ('cause that's what all the cool kids do) when I saw a flash ad. I've never seen it since, and I never want to see it again, but for those of you who don't have spy cameras embedded in my eyes I'll repeat what was on it.

It was something along the lines of:

"All of your favourite movie characters...

Are about to be DESTROYED!

DISASTER MOVIE: Defiling cinemas on some date that Squirrel245 can't remember"



Seconds after my eyes were scarred with this disturbing forecast of things to come, I imitated this:

Various thoughts and questions started running through my mind like a jet powered elephant in heat.

Why does this movie exist?

Where do those retards keep getting money to pump this kinda shit out into cinemas?

Why do they think anyone WATCHES "movie" movies after seeing the abominations that they released after Scary Movie 4?!


I thought I'd already LOST all of my faith in mankind. But nope, I was wrong. There was something still in there it seems.

But as soon as I saw that ad, that last morsel of faith jumped out of me and ran off into the distance shouting back "This is revolution!!!".

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stuff cherry bombs into watermelons then catapult them at stuff.

Because that's how I'm choosing to express my hatred for this movie.



- Squirrel245



"Daddy, everyone at school keeps teasing me about being born prematurely."

"You weren't born prematurely, son. You just survived the abortion."

- Cyanide and Happiness

"I'm not fat, I'm just utilizing as much of my personal space as I can."

So as at least 3 of you MIGHT have noticed, this blog has suddenly started eating away at parts of your screen that you never knew existed.

FEAR NOT, it's not going to keep spreading to the point that it lunges out of the computer and starts tearing away savagely at your living flesh...yet.

No, all that's happened is its got itself a pay rise at the service station where it currently mops the floors, and as a result, is able to rent more screen space for itself.

Right now the greedy fucker's convinced me to draw a bigger picture for it, as it feels that the old one is too small. I agreed, on the condition that I was presented with some Red Bull. My demands were met. I'll start on it soon.

On a side note, those of you who have somehow managed to read some of the older posts will soon (if you haven't already) realize that the oh-so-clever (not) last entry of 28 Items Later no longer looks even remotely like an actual post. It's now more obvious than ever that it is in fact, just a picture.

Don't worry though, I've come up with a solution:




Step 1:
DEAL WITH IT.


In other news, I'm still trying to work out how to mug people over the internet. But for now, leave a cheque for $78 trillion or I'll DRAG YOU INTO THIS ALLEY AND KNIFE YOU!

...Oh use your imaginations.



- Squirrel245



"Oh well check this out! I can force all the bloods to my face and give myself a real cool blowjob! Hnnnrrrgh... See?"
"Pfft. He is means "nosebleed", not "blowjob". Idiot..."

- Toki Wartooth and Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Lame-ageddon

AAAAHHHHH!!!!

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mimeflare!

I mean mightnare!

...

NIGHTMARE!!!






So yea... Last night I had a nightmare. And HOLY MOTHER of FUCK it was horrible...





Before I went to sleep, I was thinking something along the lines of "God... the general quality of movies these days is steadily going downhill... zzzzzzzzzzzz"

And because of that seemingly harmless thought, I was subjected to a nightmare.

Rob Schneider, John Travolta, and Barbara Streisand were all starring in a highschool chick-flick, and the whole movie was directed by Michael Bay.

And guess who was being forced to watch it?


*shudder*


I'm going to go curl up in a corner in a fetal position and stare at the wall for a few hours. The healing must begin.



Squirrel245



"We HAVE to kill them, or else they'll die."

- Jimbo Kern

(Creative Blog Title)

So it appears that the blog monkey does what it's told...

Good thing, too. I was fully ready to spam him with so many scheduled-blog-induced cattle prod jolts that the RSPCA would have sent a group of rabid animals after me for my crimes against the animal world.


Squirrel245


"Job has all of his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies... there isn't a God."

- Kyle Broflovski