Signs of Life

Check it.

I have actual proof that I'm not just sitting around eating fast food all day.

...Huh. It seems you've alarmed him.

Before I return to making him move and kill stuff, there's some things I'd like to say about the people who only just have enough brain power to walk around a shopping centre:

1. To what seems like 90% of teenage girls:

Here's how walking near you works. You generally have a quick pace, and never yield to anybody, so I and the other fast-walking people see you as a sort of "path finder" when we're heading the same way as you, and get into your "slipstream" as it were.

So when you see a group of friends up ahead of you, try something called deceleration. DON'T KEEP ON AT THE SAME PACE THEN STOP DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS AND LATCH ONTO ONE OF THEM.

2. To what seems like 90% of teenage guys (so don't bitch to me about gender-based discrimination, ladies.):

I'm not sure if you're all just very confused about who's leading the group, and are all trying to hang back to see who's in the lead, or if you feel more secure when you look to your side and see several other people going along with you. I honestly don't care what it is.

STOP CREATING HUMAN WALLS YOU TOOLS. I'm tempted to drive a car into these lines of idiocy whenever I come across them.

3. To people who have mobile phones out while walking:

If you're the kind of person who talks on the phone while walking, and doesn't stumble around in a circle, eyes to the floor, feigning obliviousness, you don't annoy me. If you are someone who does the stumble around thing, grow a brain.

If you're the kind of person who text messages people while walking, or just pretends to for an excuse to walk blindly in a straight line and hope people realize "Oh, they're using their phone. They have to concentrate I guess.", GO AND GET ANALLY DESTROYED BY A HERD OF RABID ANTELOPES.

THAT ARE ON FIRE.

One of these days, I'm going to grab one of these obnoxious failures of humanity and put them in the fetal position. Only it will be backwards. Yep. Knees up, elbows bent, curled up into a ball-ish shape, BEHIND YOUR BACK.

4. To the lady who today asked me if I'd like to get my baby's photo taken:

There are so many things wrong with that offer I don't even know where to start.

5. To people who walk determinedly in one direction then, without warning (or even stopping), do a full 180 spin and keep right on walking:

I now wear a vest that fire a series of small metal spikes outward if I'm hit in the chest with enough force. You have been warned.

And now it's 12:40am. I have school in 8 hours...

Screw you guys, I'ma going t'sleep.

- Squirrel245

"You're gonna just let that guy beat up on your woman? Doesn't that like... go against your jockey man-code or something?"

- Hair Flicking Goth Kid