"Why no fall for my trick?"

Good aftermornevenight, class. I hope you got lots of sleep last night, because you won't get much tonight. I just leveled all of your houses so I can test my new environmentally friendly concept car. It runs on the feelings of loss you are now experiencing.

Anyway, todays subject for discussion (discussion in this case meaning "shut the fuck up and listen".) is internet ads.

The internet, for those of you who don't remember, is that thing you're using now. If you didn't skip that last sentence, please hurl yourself into a pit of horny walruses. And DON'T COME BACK.

Unless you're old and senile to the point that you're still praying your side will win the Second World War, you can probably agree that the internet is unbeatable when it comes to finding out what's going on, anywhere in the world. You don't even need someone to go and hide in every country and tap out some morse code every day. All you need is Google.

The internet is also a good source of entertainment. Video sharing sites, chat rooms, online games, websites dedicated solely to amassing the biggest collection of jokes they can... Hell, social networking can sometimes be fun too. Especially if you're a teenage girl. Don't try to contradict me, girls. You know it's true.

The point I'm feebly trying to make is that the internet is serious business. So serious in fact that anyone who's used it more than four times will be able to do it without blowing something up 99.9% of the time. They'll know their shit. They know how to internet.

With that in mind... or at least, on the screen... some internet ads confuse me. There's the standard ones that are clearly ads:


"Wintastic Car Insurance. Because you'll probably crash that thing."

"Looking for a job? Click here! We're like the jobs guide in your paper... but ELECTROMONICAL!"

"The new Nokia 6187382740947092834098013408. We just really like numbers."


These kind of ads are just an example of good marketing strategy. It's the internet for fuck's sake. That's like... 500 billion views of your ad per nanosecond. And that's at 3am.

The ads that confuse me are the ones that try to trick people into clicking them with false promises of money, a games console, or a night on a giant mattress with a battallion of sexy womens. When these kinds of ads first started showing up, I'll bet millions of people were duped. Then, after clicking, they realised "Oh. It's just a stupid ad.", and never fell for that particular ruse ever again. Maybe it took some people two or three times to realise this, but they got there in the end. And those who fell for it more than 5 times were simply turned into soilent green.

So why the hell are these kinds of ads still around? Are they hoping that some young and naive kid will click them on their first ever visit to the internet? Are they hoping some of the people in the "soilent green" category escaped their fate and are still browsing the internet?

I mean come on...

Do you really expect me to believe that I'm the 999,999th visitor to your website after seeing that ad fifteen times?

Who the hell out there would still think, even for a moment, that cutesurfergirl123 was an actual person? And even if she was, why the hell would she be talking to you in a chatbox that's appeared in the spot the "tickle the fat kid and win a crappy ringtone" game was a few minutes ago?

How many people do you seriously think there are who don't know that your "create your own avatar! pick eyes/clothes/hair/genital deformations" things are actually just one giant link?


You're on the internet. Which updates faster than time itself. You however, are living in e-historic times. Going against the flow. Holding back the progress of online mankind.

...

SERIOUSLY.

- Squirrel245


"Narwhals, narwhals,
swimming in the ocean,
causin' a commotion,
'cause they are so awesome."

- Narwhals!